So I’m either a week late and a day early; really I’m both but you know that’s the way things crumble sometimes. Life has been super crazy and I’ve got a few things on my mind so a fair warning, this might be a lengthy post (granted it might shorten down as I write it, one never can tell). On the school front, things are progressing the same: one of my students will be homebound until the end of flu season, one still cannot use the lift system, one had a birthday–that was the best time, I mean he was vibrating he was so excited, it totally made my week, and one still has internal problems that the doctors can’t seem to figure out. My little room with my special friends continues to trudge along, we are fighters in there. We have also gone into space for the next two six weeks and there is no curriculum for that so guess who gets to be lucky curriculum creator–this girl, woo! (Totally sarcastic right there, I mean I have no idea how to create a curriculum, it’s just going to be an adventure I suppose) The ARD season continues for me, which is stressful but for some crazy reason PTA keeps bringing goodies up to school so this whole no carb thing has just failed miserably–I have got to work on some self-control, but sopapilla cheesecake is just so stinkin’ good.
In other news, mom had her surgery to remove the cancerous mass yesterday, while they were in there they also checked her lymph nodes and luckily the cancer was contained to the mass. I cannot tell you how relieved I was to hear that, I mean now she has some radiation to go to but they’re pretty confident that she will be in remission soon. She was talking in circles yesterday after surgery and kept rambling; I died I was laughing so hard. That’s a huge weight lifted, it’s also an eating trigger destroyed, thank goodness.
Over the last two weeks, I’ve just been struck by the word friendship. While reflecting on it, I realize that at any one moment I have 4 people who know exactly what is going on in my life..one of those 4 is my sister. Don’t get me wrong (I can sense you all thinking, “where is she going with this”), I have many friends but really only 4 best friends. I took a moment this week to think about how my friendships looked and really, I know more about my friends than they do about me. I don’t know if this means that I am surrounded by self-centered people or if I’m just guarded–I’m inclined to think it is a mixture of both, but I was struck at the imbalance. Now, that being said, I know that in the swings of friendship there are times that one friend is more needy and such and with my fab 4 as I’ll now call them, we have that balance I think, but with everyone else it is like an imbalanced see-saw. I mean people who read my blog may know more than some of my friends who claim to be my best friends; interesting is it not? I don’t want this to be read as a slam, it was just something that I was thinking over; at one time this imbalance would have upset me but now I find myself at ease with it. Perhaps I’m becoming older and wiser, or I just rest in the knowledge that I do have my fab 4.
Right so the last thing that has been rattling around my mind this week was the sole purpose of this year. You know, I’ve gotten so tied up in the scale and the numbers that it’s showing, that I’ve forgotten why I even did this in the first place. This year was to be fit, to get my shit together so that I can be a healthier human being. Being fit doesn’t mean weighing 155 pounds, it could mean wearing a size 8 but being able to run a marathon with no problems, or compete competitively in a tough mudder. I think I lost sight of this, I mean I’ve been beating myself up about how fast/slow things are happening on the scale front that I’ve made myself miserable. I tried to cut carbs completely for goodness sake, that’s not healthy, it also made me a total bitch and made me feel like I needed to fling myself into a ditch if I so much as looked at a dessert. Dammit, if I want a piece of cheesecake I can have it–or part of it–I just can’t have it everyday. My mind is back in the right place and I will hence be focusing on being healthier, eating cleaner but not mentally abusing myself if I have a slip.
Here’s to a new week and new attitude and a completely thankful heart for the wonderful things and people in my life currently, see you folks next week (be ready for a Black Friday post )
Song of the Day: Love Like Woe by the Ready Set
Days Remaining: 230
Currently Reading: space-y science material