Of Deep Space, Surgeries, Friendships and Mentalities

So I’m either a week late and a day early; really I’m both but you know that’s the way things crumble sometimes. Life has been super crazy and I’ve got a few things on my mind so a fair warning, this might be a lengthy post (granted it might shorten down as I write it, one never can tell). On the school front, things are progressing the same: one of my students will be homebound until the end of flu season, one still cannot use the lift system, one had a birthday–that was the best time, I mean he was vibrating he was so excited, it totally made my week, and one still has internal problems that the doctors can’t seem to figure out. My little room with my special friends continues to trudge along, we are fighters in there. We have also gone into space for the next two six weeks and there is no curriculum for that so guess who gets to be lucky curriculum creator–this girl, woo! (Totally sarcastic right there, I mean I have no idea how to create a curriculum, it’s just going to be an adventure I suppose) The ARD season continues for me, which is stressful but for some crazy reason PTA keeps bringing goodies up to school so this whole no carb thing has just failed miserably–I have got to work on some self-control, but sopapilla cheesecake is just so stinkin’ good.

It’s my deep space wall, I do love making the room reflect the unit themes

In other news, mom had her surgery to remove the cancerous mass yesterday, while they were in there they also checked her lymph nodes and luckily the cancer was contained to the mass. I cannot tell you how relieved I was to hear that, I mean now she has some radiation to go to but they’re pretty confident that she will be in remission soon. She was talking in circles yesterday after surgery and kept rambling; I died I was laughing so hard. That’s a huge weight lifted, it’s also an eating trigger destroyed, thank goodness.

No cancer in the lymph nodes and my hair goes into a high pony, double win.

Over the last two weeks, I’ve just been struck by the word friendship. While reflecting on it, I realize that at any one moment I have 4 people who know exactly what is going on in my life..one of those 4 is my sister. Don’t get me wrong (I can sense you all thinking, “where is she going with this”), I have many friends but really only 4 best friends. I took a moment this week to think about how my friendships looked and really, I know more about my friends than they do about me. I don’t know if this means that I am surrounded by self-centered people or if I’m just guarded–I’m inclined to think it is a mixture of both, but I was struck at the imbalance. Now, that being said, I know that in the swings of friendship there are times that one friend is more needy and such and with my fab 4 as I’ll now call them, we have that balance I think, but with everyone else it is like an imbalanced see-saw. I mean people who read my blog may know more than some of my friends who claim to be my best friends; interesting is it not? I don’t want this to be read as a slam, it was just something that I was thinking over; at one time this imbalance would have upset me but now I find myself at ease with it. Perhaps I’m becoming older and wiser, or I just rest in the knowledge that I do have my fab 4.

Right so the last thing that has been rattling around my mind this week was the sole purpose of this year. You know, I’ve gotten so tied up in the scale and the numbers that it’s showing, that I’ve forgotten why I even did this in the first place. This year was to be fit, to get my shit together so that I can be a healthier human being. Being fit doesn’t mean weighing 155 pounds, it could mean wearing a size 8 but being able to run a marathon with no problems, or compete competitively in a tough mudder. I think I lost sight of this, I mean I’ve been beating myself up about how fast/slow things are happening on the scale front that I’ve made myself miserable. I tried to cut carbs completely for goodness sake, that’s not healthy, it also made me a total bitch and made me feel like I needed to fling myself into a ditch if I so much as looked at a dessert. Dammit, if I want a piece of cheesecake I can have it–or part of it–I just can’t have it everyday. My mind is back in the right place and I will hence be focusing on being healthier, eating cleaner but not mentally abusing myself if I have a slip.

This, always this.

Here’s to a new week and new attitude and a completely thankful heart for the wonderful things and people in my life currently, see you folks next week (be ready for a Black Friday post )

Song of the Day: Love Like Woe by the Ready Set
Day: 135
Days Remaining: 230

Currently Reading: space-y science material

Trick or treat? Well, it’s never a treat so…

I have this intense love/hate relationship with Halloween. On the one hand, I love that it frees people up to embrace their inner weirdo and gives an opportunity for people to have a boost in confidence; I mean if no one knows who you are, you can dress up and be whoever you want for one night. However, with Halloween comes candy…I happen to adore, adore candy (not all kinds mind you, but many are on the “nomnom yes” list), which, when one is trying to lose weight is quite difficult. If everything had gone smoothly this week, I think I could have resisted temptation. But when do things ever cooperate? Answer: never. So I caved–not just a little caving–I mean full-out candy monster, I was in ‘where-candy-goes-to-die’ mode. Unsurprisingly, the scale reflected this and I am now 7 pounds away from my sunglasses, *insert wicked sad face*, that’s karma though I suppose…and also a fantastic reminder that I can’t just jump ship whenever I feel like it.

Yeah, feel sorry for the candy

So perhaps you would like some background into why this week was so ridiculous, well let’s start on Tuesday shall we? (I mean you have the vlog post from Monday, amusing and ridiculous as it was) Right, so Tuesday was spend getting paperwork together for my first ever ARD and doing some last-minute assessments that I may or may not have forgotten to get done prior to this…really, they were done just not documented. Tuesday we also found out that the five other spots that they found on mom were noncancerous, which is a HUGE relief, but the insurance is still digging their heels in on this whole genetics test business…stupid tightwads over in insurance. Wednesday came, and I was up bright and early, I mean it’s better to be early than late in these instances. We get through the ARD and things are running smoothly, so smoothly that I started to become suspicious; I shouldn’t but this particular mother has been a thorn in my side since day one–she’s the one who called that lovely district meeting within the first week of school. Turns out I was right to be suspicious because as we are reading over the minutes and getting ready to conclude the meeting, she throws in this curve ball: she no longer wants her child to be put in the lift system at school, she wants manual lifts only. **A quick note: I have four friends who I position 5-6 times a day, they range in weight from 62-120 pounds, imagine lifting them physically, we would all be out on disability within 2 six weeks…which is why we have the lift system.** Well, at this point, it’s not like we can rebut this because the PT for the district had left so we signed the new IEP and immediately, my student became manual lift only. This decision still steams me, but you know, when I verbally express my concern at this decision and you still choose to push it, well there’s not much that can be done. My room then became this tense war zone because one of my assistants was just so appalled by this decision (because we are not trained on manual lifts, we cannot move this student, which will be the case for the foreseeable future as no one is able to come out and train us); and though I explained that this was a legal binding document and the consequences were presented to the parent, my para went on a war rage trying to “fix” it. *sigh* I am still warring with this woman, because she frequently forgets that I am the teacher of the room and she does in effect, work for me. While I welcome discussion and ideas, once I have weighed things, what I say goes and she shouldn’t constantly be looking to go above me. Now my room is stuck in a state of awkward tension; it annoys me.

This, I feel like this.

Luckily, Wednesday night I got to see super cute trick or treaters and gave away all of the candy I hadn’t already devoured. The rest of the week passed without too much excitement, I mean Wednesday did kind of steal the thunder from the rest of the week. Though, Saturday I did go to a craft show with one of my best friends and then we went out to dinner with our other sweet friends; it was a much-needed girls night complete with P.F. Chang’s (holy nom Batman) ice cream and Pitch Perfect–you should really see that movie, it’s fantastic. Looking at how the week went, I’m actually really happy that I’m only up a pound and a half, it really could have been worse. Also, we have bridesmaid dress shopping in three weeks; so for three weeks I am going in beast mode, for real this time, because I don’t want to be the biggest girl on this shopping spree and damn it, I won’t be. So goodbye carbs until the 24th, which sucks because Thanksgiving is totally before our dress shopping extravaganza, oh well, sometimes sacrifices must be made.

I might be posting more than normal because I love carbs and might need that outlet lest I go crazy, so until my next post,

Song of the Day: When I’m Gone by Lulu and the Lampshades (now they’re the Landshapes, if anyone was wondering)
Day: 122
Days Remaining: 243

Currently Reading: I’m searching for 7th grade science books about space, suggestions are welcome

Good lord, who let me vlog?

Right, so there it is, a vlog post. You have all been warned that it is rambly and possibly ridiculous but in my defense it is late and really, you just have to be super with it to vlog…I’m just happy that it seems slightly coherent. Honestly, it’s so quick to get done that they might be making monthly appearances; don’t quote me on that it, it’s just an idea that I’m tossing around.

Anyway, happy week people, see you all again on Sunday.

Song of the Day: Thriller by Michael Jackson (in honor of Halloween and all)
Day: 116
Days Remaining: 249

Currently Reading: State assessment rules and regs (yes, I am the party animal, woot, woot)

If only I could vlog…

Right, so things have been on this wild and crazy rollercoaster recently, to fill you guys in on why I’ve been so MIA and falling off the wagon and such…we found out last week that my mom has breast cancer. This week they put it between stages 1-2, which is good; it’s really good actually. I’m not going to lie, I’m more than a little freaked out by this, 1)it’s my mom, she’s never supposed to be sick or anything and 2)my grandma had it—beat it but had it nevertheless, so I think that odds are higher for my sister and myself to get it. They ran the test today to see if it was passed on genetically and we won’t know those results until tomorrow or the next day. I’m not telling you guys to get sympathy slack for not blogging or for validation for cheating on the diet; this was more so that you could understand why blogging was taking a backseat. I’ve decided (well really it was decided when by best friend was diagnosed) cancer is just a giant bitch.

Ain’t that the truth?

Anyway, I’m back. Back to blogging, back to running, back to gym-ing it up and back to healthy eating. I updated my measurement and wouldn’t you know, after cheating my chest was the first thing to grow…you can’t see it but I’m rolling my eye here. The scale went down though, which is always a good thing, in fact, it was lower than it was precheat, wooo! This lady is 6.4 pounds away from some Ray Bans. I know I said I was going to get a ring, BUT I thought about it, and I would have to get that resized, which is a complete pain in the butt so when I hit 190 I’ll get me a ring…not a pound before then.

I will own you, or something related to you

Now, on the boot camp front…I did it the first day and I’m sad to say that I haven’t done it since. I went to the gym but I stopped boot camp. No worries though, I want to do it and I think I’ve reworked my schedule so that I can get it in now Scheduling is always my issue, as can be seen by my sporadic blog posting. I also got a new heart rate monitor, it’s not as fancy as the bodybugg, but it’s pretty nice; I mean it tells on the watch part my calorie burnage. Since getting it, I’ve decided that I will be striving to burn 1000 calories every workout. I’m only eating around 1500 so I think this works out perfectly, yay sweating!

Ta-da!

I’m toying around with the idea of a vlog next week, I mean I don’t know that I’m super exciting or that I’ll do it well, but maybe it will be faster that sitting down to write. That you would all get to see my bright, shining face is a plus To sum up for the week, school is school and is slowly killing me (no I didn’t write anything about it this week), cancer sucks, boot camp is being restarted, calorie counters are the bees knees and I might do a vlog. I hope you all have a fantastic week and I will see you Sunday –for real this time.

Song of the Day: Not Ready to Make Nice by the Dixie Chicks
Day: 109
Days Remaining: 256

Currently Reading: political party platforms–it’s voting season you know.

Right, so I up and disappeared for a hot minute…

Where to begin? To start, the state fair was fantastic, granted we totally got drenched while being there…apparently that light rain was actually a steady drizzle all freaking day. It was still a good time and I got to see my seester, which is always a HUGE plus for me Here’s a picture of the fried foods that we all shared (see, shared, I did not eat them all by myself)

So much fried fantasticness

Let’s see, after the state fair I realized that we were coming up on the end of the 1st six weeks of school. Here’s a fun fact, if you wait until the day before grades are due, you actually go crazy. I actually don’t know how I lived through that week, thinking back on it, it’s kind of a strange haze. It was a week from hell, this much I know, but it ended with a road trip to see my best friends and of course my seester…so I suppose I shouldn’t complain too much.

                           

Right, so that gets us up to this past week. There are things happening with my family right now, they aren’t super detailed yet so I’m not really going to talk about it…I’m a detail person so when I don’t have them all I start feeling anxious, however Wednesday I should know more. Last night I went out because this was a long week and really I just needed to blow off some steam, clearly the weather took that seriously and we got caught running back to the car in a monsoon, seriously, what’s up with me and the rain?

Ridiculous

And now onto the weight loss portion of our entry..(really this has been a short post, I thought I was going to go into this long vivid explanation, but when I started writing, this is what happened). Anyway, the week of the fair I worked out twice, then at the end of the six weeks I did nothing, literally, nothing BUT this past week I went everyday except today, though today is still young, and Wednesday…holla, gettin’ that groove back. I also went up a pound, not terribly shocking I mean no working out and eating like a crazy person, I’m actually shocked it’s not more. I haven’t measured, I could do it right now, but I’m sitting outside in a hammock swing so that will just be updated next week. With everything that’s been happening, keeping up with this hasn’t been a huge priority, however I am going to try to be better about it because this is an important part of the journey. Anyway, I have paperwork to get done and goals to write so this will be it for the week.  But before I forget, I’m starting a six-week boot camp, it’s at home, but I’ll let you guys know how week one goes on Sunday.

Song of the Day: Why Makes Perfect Sense by Wade Bowen
Day: 101 (seriously, I need to get it together)
Days Remaining: 264

Currently Reading: IEP goals and objectives

Where in the H-E-double hockey sticks have you been!?

Womp, womp, posting fail. Ok so in three days, there will be a long and detailed and picture laden post for you guys, with numbers (insert both happy and sad faces) and lots of ridiculous detail about where the heck I’ve been for almost three weeks. To sum it quickly, it was the end of the first six weeks for school; in case you were wondering that means death, just death for teachers.

But I am alive, and I did cheat (we all do, it happens) and this is by no means an excuse but there are some things happening right now in my family that are taking more of a priority and of course work….somehow I’ve become a golden child for the district, so they give me things, but expect lots of things in return…le sigh.

Be ready, Sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY, you are going to get the longest post ever.

Fall is here, it’s finally here!

So this week I’ve gone to work out three times, like I hit that goal and it’s stuck because now I have a workout partner I haven’t been running because to be completely honest, I’ve just been worn out. School, man, it’s really getting me. Luckily Thanksgiving break is coming, well eventually. Since it ties in, this week I’ve just kind of hung out, no gain or loss. I think my body is balking at the idea of breaking out of the 2′s and frankly that is unacceptable so I’m going to shock it a little this week and work out everyday and cut back on my carbs (as I’ve mentioned, I’ve only ever met one, ONE carb that I have not liked). So here’s to having a better week on that front.

Ha! Yes please.

On the school end of things, this week I assessed my kids. Some crazy person said you could get through these assessments in 20 minutes, and you know, I would just really like to see that because I don’t believe it even slightly. We assessed for two hours and got through one full assessment and half of another…20 minutes my foot. It’s been interesting though, they really have such quirky personalities. I also finally have a schedule that seems to be working. I mean the day is just broken apart and laid bare so that anyone who walks into my room can see what we are supposed to be doing. I think it’s helpful for accountability and to be completely real, it satisfies that weird OCD tendency that I have. I’m grateful that things are smoothing out, though when I look at the calendar for next week I can see that it will be short-lived; next week is stupidly busy.

mmm, schedule

So yesterday was the first day of fall, my favorite season of the year because there are crunchy leaves to walk through and the weather starts to cool off.  What better way to bring in the season than to go to a German Oktoberfest. It was fabulous and people watching was the game of the day; there was also so much lovely wine. I mean there was also beer, but as a firm non-beer drinker, I thought the wine was fantastic. I don’t know if the fair was really all that or if it was the people I was with, but regardless, it was a much-needed Saturday night out. Next weekend is the state fair, and I am going to disgust and appal you with pictures of the fried foods that I try (not eat, the only thing I eat in entirety is a Fletcher’s Corny Dog…everything else is shared and sampled). Because I know it’s the fair weekend, next week I’ll be working out like crazy (like I said) and eating like a rabbit so that I can enjoy the fried fiesta. Nomnomnom.

Hooray for meeting up with old friends!

As for today, it is beautiful outside, and I want to be out there so I will bid you all a fantastic week and tantalize you back with promises of fair extravaganza pictures

Song of the Day: Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson (piano version)
Day: 80
Days Remaining: 285

Currently Reading: EMC assessment analysis (I’m wild, I know)